“A short story is a love affair; a novel is a marriage.”
I have a new short story publication to share. “Her Last Dance” appeared in the August issue of Gemini Magazine.
It’s scary sending your work out in the world. First, there’s the inevitable rejection that’s simply part of the submission process. Happens to all writers, no matter how experienced or well-published. Keep revising and submitting. Get critiques. Don’t give up.
Even when your story, essay, article (or book) finds a home, you may wonder how it will be received. This can be particularly concerning when publishing personal essays or opinion pieces.
So far, the response to “Her Last Dance” has been positive. Gemini Editor David Bright said he and the judges were very moved by my story. One reader commented on its “chilling ending”. Another told me I had “nailed the teenage voice”.
The narrator’s voice came easily to me. I knew the POV had to be through the girl’s eyes. I wanted the reader to empathize with the teen’s experience but also know more than she does. Through the use of subtext, the reader can see what the girl cannot, what is truly going on.
The ending is what gave me trouble.
Once I employed the advice: a good ending should be surprising yet inevitable, I felt satisfied with my choice. (See blog post on story endings).
So here it is! I’d love to know what you think. (Really.)
Her Last Dance
by
Evelyn Krieger
Mom is in our hotel bathroom fixing herself up. I smell her apricot perfume from outside the door. I’m supposed to get fixed up, too. No idea why Mom uses that expression, I mean, it’s not like we’re broken or anything. I bend over, let my dark hair fall forward, start brushing to make it fluffy like in those shampoo commercials. I check myself in the mirror, dab on bubblegum lip gloss, and a smudge of cherry blush.
Then Mom comes out. “Well?” She spins around in her sleek black skirt. “What do you think?”
I swallow. Her dark eyes seem bigger, like they’re eager for something. “You’re taller.”
“Hah! I haven’t worn spiked heels in ages. What about my outfit?”
“You look pretty, Mom. Really.” And she does.
“Thank you, my dear.” Mom squints into the mirror as she puts on her gold hoop earrings. “You’re never fully dressed with bare ears.”
“Wish Dad could see you. Want me to grab the camera?”
“No, don’t bother.” She steps back to admire herself. “I don’t want him thinking we had too much fun.”
“How come you don’t get dressed up at home?” I ask.
She looks at me, her perfectly penciled eyebrows raised. “And just where might I be going? Ballroom dancing?”
I hate it when she gets snarky. “You could take Dad out. You guys stay home too much. I don’t need a babysitter anymore, for your information.”
“For your information,” she says, “once upon a time your father and I used to go dancing every Saturday night.” A shadow of sadness passes over Mom’s face. “He was pretty damn good.”
I try to picture my father dancing. Instead, I see him in his wheelchair spinning around the floor. He’s the one who needs fixing up. I don’t like to think about Dad home alone with just boring old Carol to dress him and tie his shoes. Mom says there’s no reason to feel guilty–this is our “well-deserved” vacation. Maybe she’s right. So far we’ve had a decent time visiting Chicago, but I am not sure I like the idea of meeting Malcolm.
Click here to continue reading “Her Last Dance”.
Just read your story, Evelyn. It felt very real. Powerful ending. You pretty much know what’s likely to happen but wish that it won’t. Hope all is well with you, my beautiful friend. Keep on writing AND dancing!
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Nice to hear from you and glad you liked my story. I’m still dancing, thank you…
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“It’s scary sending your work out in the world.” Non-writers will never understand just how scary it is. And congratulations on publication!
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Thanks, Mike. It’s nice to hear from a kindred spirit.
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Evelyn,
I certainly didn’t expect that ending. Mazel tov on the publication and second prize! And mazel tov on the residency, too!
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Thanks, Barbara. I’m looking forward to writing in Vermont…a little scary, too. No excuses!
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Well written!
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Thank you!
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A great story – you really evoked the time, place and characters so well. It’s like I was there in the next booth!
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Thanks, JM. That’s a high compliment for a short story writer. Do you dance? 🙂
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Not often enough! I could picture the scene in your story clearly though 😊
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First, thank you for stopping by and commenting on my blog. Much appreciated!
Second, I read your story. A wowzer for sure. Well done and congratulations!
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Thanks, Pat, for stopping by and reading my story. Nice to meet you!
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Held my breath at the end and then yelled don’t go!!!!
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Thank you, Nina. That’s exactly the reader response I was aiming for. “Surprising, yet inevitable”?
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Meant to add this was so well done and I agree the judge about the voice. I even like how you said Mom and not my mom. Gave the story immediate intimacy.
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Much appreciated.
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Hey! I’ve nominated you in the writer’s tag, see my blog for info: https://uninspiredwriters.com/2018/10/05/m-l-davis-writers-tag-lets-connect/ 🙂
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Thanks you so much, M.L. Not sure if I’ll take this up by I enjoyed reading your responses and those of others I’ve recently come across.
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No problem Evelyn ❤
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Nice writing! Thanks for following my blog. 🙂
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Thank you, Jennifer. We both share an interest in YA.
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What a great story! Halfway through, I would have never guessed what the ending would be, and near the end, I couldn’t have known why the mother couldn’t show that she was having “too much fun” to her husband. I paused for a second before reading the rest because I wanted to figure out this “mystery” in my mind. Could it be that he was a jealous husband, I asked myself? Could it be that she was about to have an affair? I read on toward the end. It was a very heartfelt ending – one that reveals the emotions and adjustments family must go through after a loved one becomes disabled. I sensed a little bit of guilt that underscored the wife’s sadness, and I sensed that her daughter had an honest and understandable dose of frustration when she tried to encourage her mother. For the child, she didn’t just lose a part of her father when he became disabled, but she also lost a part of her mother as well. The emotion I felt at the end of your story reminded me about so many things in my life. I love stories like this! They make me feel human, whole, and connected when I’ve felt so despondent in my own pain. Stories like this make me realize that the authors understand all too well what others have went through by writing in such a way that connects their stories or memoirs with their readers’ hearts and histories. With regards to my own memoir writing, I’ve attempted to write drafts offline. I realized how painful writing a memoir can be when most of it was never healed or processed with a therapist. I plan to find a therapist to help me deal with adoption issues before I attempt to write more drafts. Meanwhile, I’m appreciating the freedom I have right now to be a reader and a listener of others’ stories.
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Brilliant advice, Evelyn! 😀 Great story with a gripping cliffhanger. Best of luck with your future writing!
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Thanks, Tom. I’m happy you found the advice helpful and liked my story ending. You can read more stories and essays by visiting My Publications pages.
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I’ve very impressed with Last Dance, you really get inside the character’s inner thoughts beautifully. That lingering sense of dread throughout Who By Fire, with a gut wrenching ending, and Losing My Words really conveys that enduring trauma of grief in the following months. Fantastically written!
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I appreciate you engaging with my writing, Tom. I wish I could say that the last two pieces were fiction. Writing has helped me contain the chaos and slightly distance myself from the traumatic event. I hope I can help others in this way.
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